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	If you are a child of alcoholic parents &ndash; including if you are an adult or teenage &ldquo;child&rdquo; &ndash; this time of year can bring with it an escalation in stress.</p>
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	The pressure to drink is intense and, if a parent has a drink problem, the result for everybody else can be a Christmas spent walking on eggshells, or worse.</p>
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	A UK charity, the National Association for Children of Alcoholics, publishes advice each spring for those affected, but I think it&rsquo;s worth repeating in the lead-in to Christmas.</p>
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	That&rsquo;s because children of alcoholics really need to take care of themselves for the sake of their own future. A survey by the association, which had 4,000 respondents, found that compared with those who are not affected by the problem, children of alcoholics are themselves more likely to become dependent on alcohol; and more likely to take their own lives, be exposed to domestic violence, or to develop problems with eating.</p>
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	That&rsquo;s why I think that this is important to read if you are the adult child of an alcoholic. You need to guard yourself against the effects of what you experienced when you had far less autonomy than you have now.</p>
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	Here are seven (edited) pieces of advice which the association gives to children of alcoholics and, as you can see, much of it is about attitudes towards yourself and your parents, and actions you can take for your own wellbeing:</p>
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	1. I didn&rsquo;t cause it &ldquo;Children can often feel guilty that they have not been able to help their parent to stop drinking, feeling in some way that they have caused it. Please be assured that someone else&rsquo;s drinking is not your fault; you did not cause it.&rdquo;</p>
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	2. I can&rsquo;t cure it &ldquo;You had no control over the problem starting and you can&rsquo;t make it stop. Only your parent can take responsibility for their behaviour; but you can look after you.&rdquo;</p>
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	3. I can&rsquo;t control it &ldquo;Your parent&rsquo;s behaviour is not your fault and you can&rsquo;t control their drinking. Look after yourself and avoid getting into an argument when they are drinking.&rdquo;</p>
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	4. I can take care of myself &ldquo;Sometimes when a family member has a drink problem, you can spend so much time worrying about them that you forget to look after your own needs. Find someone you can talk to who understands the problem. Talking about your feelings is not being disloyal to your family . . . &rdquo;</p>
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	5. I can communicate my feelings &ldquo;Alcohol problems in the family can result in a lot of complicated, confusing and upsetting feelings. It is really important not to bottle things up. Talking and writing about your feelings can help you make sense of them.&rdquo;</p>
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	6. I can make healthy choices &ldquo;Remember you are important too. Living in a family where alcohol is a problem can be stressful so looking after you is vital. Find time for things that you enjoy. Sometimes worries can take over, and taking a break can help.&rdquo;</p>
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	7. I can celebrate myself &ldquo;Remember that you are important. Try to think about what makes you happy and to remember things you&rsquo;ve done that you feel proud of.&rdquo;</p>
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	I should add that I am not trying to demonise the parent or parents in these situations. Many alcoholic parents are actually loving parents who genuinely care about their children and want to do the best by them. But the alcohol has got a grip on them and at this time of year especially there is a danger that the alcohol will rule the roost.</p>
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	By the way, the British parliament now has an All-Party Parliamentary Group on Children of Alcoholics, chaired by Liam Byrne MP who is a patron of the association. His own story as a child of an alcoholic father who was the son of Irish immigrants is well worth reading and is on his website at bit.ly/liambyrnestory</p>
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	The national association has useful downloadable information at this link: bit.ly/kidsirishtimes</p>
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	And, as for that parliamentary committee, an idea for the Oireachtas?</p>
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	pomorain@yahoo.com @PadraigMorain</p>
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	(Published by the Irish Times on the 29th November 2016)</p>
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	<a href="http://www.irishtimes.com/life-and-style/health-family/if-your-parent-has-a-drink-problem-you-could-be-spending-christmas-walking-on-eggshells-1.2879140">http://www.irishtimes.com/life-and-style/health-family/if-your-parent-has-a-drink-problem-you-could-be-spending-christmas-walking-on-eggshells-1.2879140</a></p>
